Hope Psychology
Tracing the history of the department
Tracing the history of the department
Talk given to the 1993 graduating Hope College psychology majors at their appreciation dinner - April 26, 1993
I am very pleased to be here this evening and that I have the honor of being your speaker. The appreciation dinner is a special event for you but also the Department because it is the last time that all of us can meet as one group for an informal, social gathering. I know that the academic year is not quite finished, that we will see some more of each other for a few more lectures, a final exam and perhaps during commencement, but this evening we don’t have to be scholarly. We can just have a good time together.
For me this annual event is even more special than before because, as you know, I am retiring in a few weeks. I have reached the age when younger people best take my place and I should continue life in ways other than teaching and being part of Hope College. This means, of course, that I am about to enter a period in life that is developmentally referred to as “old age.” Because I have seen it coming, I have increasingly become aware of others who preceded me. What is it like for them? What does it mean to them? What do younger people think of it?
One thing I noticed is that “old age” is often looked upon as a real downer. Since all of you had the developmental psych course, I need not explain that to you. As we get older there are a number of physical changes that are far from desirable. Just looking at my bald head will give you the first clue. Consequently, there are quite a few old-age stories and jokes around that are both funny and sad. They deal with a less-than-perfect reality and try to put a humorous face on it. There are even greeting cards for the elderly that do this sort of thing. Let me give you an example. The front cover says: “Don’t feel old, we have a friend who is your age.” Then, looking at the inside: “and on a good day he can even feed himself.”
Needless to say, I hope to be in much better shape for a few more years. Therefore, I prefer to identify with my late mother-in-law. She was close to 90 when we suggested that she and Dad go to a retirement home. “No way,” she said. “I don’t want to be with all those old people.”
Another example is the comedian George Burns. You know that he is also in his 90s. Someone asked him recently: “I hear that you still chase women, drink martinis and smoke six cigars a day.” George’s answer: “That’s right.” The person said: “What does your doctor say about all that?” George: “I don’t know. He died.”
The reason I draw so much attention to my retirement is to show you that you and I have a lot in common at this time. You are leaving Hope and so am I. Obviously, the reason for my leaving are different but the experience of leaving is going to be similar for all of us. For all of us leaving Hope College is a point of separation. You and I will move from the old into the new. This is giving us reason to rejoice but it also means that we will no longer have what we had before, that we have to part with something. Parting with something that has been good to us, that has given us joy, comfort, new insights, new friends constitutes a loss. And all losses hurt. The French who have generally a good feel for human emotions say: Partir, c’est un peu mourir. To part is to die a little. I am sure that you already have thought about having to say good-bye to your best friends. It is not going to be easy. And there will be some other things about living at Hope that you wish you could hang onto, take with you. I feel the same way. I am going to miss my co-workers, my office, teaching my favorite courses, being in the company of young, bright people like you, sharing in your excitement, getting to know some of you very well.
Something else we share is a bit of anxiety about the future. To retire from Hope is a wonderful accomplishment but sometimes I ask myself if I will really find something else that is as stimulating as teaching and doing research. Will the new things, whatever they are, be truly satisfying or just filling time? Will I be able to do the things I plan to do? Will my health stay with me long enough to do the things I would like to do?
Again, you are facing similar questions. We are about to start a transition. We are in a particular phase of our journey that can be called a passage of life, perhaps even a critical period as well. Societies all over the world have long known all about such important events and have made them into rites of passage. Your being here this evening is an example of how the Psychology department commemorates your college graduation. As we duly rejoice in and recognize your accomplishments, we also know that you need some emotional support to break with the past and embrace the future. Even better examples are baccalaureate and commencement. For them we even dress in special ways, say some very specific things and be in the presence of family and friends.
I won’t bore you with what is happening to me upon my graduation from working at Hope but the College and my wife are making sure that there are some rites of passage for me also. Being your speaker is part of it, I think.
Having noted some similarities in the way you and I face our respective graduations, there are also some important differences. One of which is that I graduated from Hope as a student a long time ago. Since then I have experienced quite a few other rites of passage. There were two more academic graduations, one for a master’s and one for a doctorate; I got married twice; I also attended baptisms and weddings of my four children. A very sad passage of rites was the funeral of my first wife, ten years ago. But even with her death, although sadness prevailed, there were moments when I felt relief and even happy that her suffering was over, that there was no more pain. What all events had in common were transitions and deeply felt, mixed emotions.
The first point is that, as you think of graduation, what you are feeling or will feel in the next few weeks is very normal because of the changes graduation will bring. Second, the same will happen for all the other changes that are yet to come. Life, as a process, is really a long series of changes, of hellos and goodbyes, of starting, stopping and starting again. When those changes occur you will experience gladness and sadness in various degrees, often going back and forth between the two.
This means that life is full of emotions, some more desirable than others. As rational, academically trained people we often tend to forget that. We love to think of ourselves as cognitive, goal-oriented planners and decision makers that know how to effectively circumvent, avoid, or suppress emotions. We think that emotions are too subjective, tend to cloud our thinking, let us make mistakes, keep us from being objective and fair.
To be sure, there are times when that is a good idea but it should not be our only approach. Sure, we are rational beings, a few cuts above the other animals, but I submit that emotions also have their place in life. In fact, sometimes I think that our emotions are more important than all the learned emphasis on our cognitive prowess. Therefore, I disagree completely with philosopher Rene Descartes who said: “ I think, therefore I am.” What he says is that he is who he is because of what he thinks. Fine for him but, as far as I am concerned, thinking is not all there is to being human. To be human is to think and to have feelings. We should recognize that and realize that both have a place in living the full life. In my intro to psych course I always defined psychology as the study of behavior and experiencing. I know that experiencing is a form of behavior and, therefore, redundant. But I didn’t want it to be forgotten or overshadowed by all the objective and cognitive stuff that tend to give prominence.
By experiencing I mean the full range of human emotions. Some emotions, like hate, are downright undesirable, but it is part of our human makeup. We should not pretend that it doesn’t exist. Of course, love is more desirable. In fact, Jesus made it a command. “Love thy neighbor like thyself.” Note that he said love, not think of or think about, like Descartes. In addition to love, Jesus said that we could also be blessed for having some other emotions. In the beatitudes he speaks of being blessed when weeping or mourning.
Therefore, the real trick of living, being human, is (1) to be both rational and emotional, not just one, and (2) to be rational or emotional at the right times in the right places. I am sure that our families, friends, neighbors, Hope’s faculty, and other students have already helped us in that respect. I am also sure that, as we leave here, the college of life will teach us more. If nothing else, graduating from Hope means that we are very teachable. Let’s keep ourselves open to more learning, even if it is not formalized in textbooks and 50-minute courses. By all means, let us use our cognitive skills, analyze when we have to do so, but let’s not forget to listen to our emotions and those of others.
I have no doubt that we’ll do just fine.